What's worse? Getting busted doing it by your parents (or your boyfriend's parents for that matter)? Or your kids?
I've been busted by both. Nothing like getting busted by your boyfriend's parents while sneaking into their house through their pint sized doggie door. Yes. That happened to me in high school. Beyond embarrassing.
And I thought getting busted by any parents was mortifying. Nope. Getting busted by your kids outweighs that exponentially! And for those of you that don't understand anything that is exponential and never took statistics, think Buzz Lightyear. Something about going to infinity and beyond.
Remember in college in your early 20's when your roommate had a "friend" over? She left a sign on the door. You knew. Don't go in. Girl Code.
Perhaps an open door policy isn't the best policy with your children. Especially, when they drive. And, especially, when you're a screamer. I do my damnedest to keep my adult life separate from my life as a mother.
But I failed. Unknowingly. But still an epic fail. This was NOTHING compared to the doggie door escapade. This was MY SON. Not a proud parenting moment. At all. But it wasn't a parenting moment at all. It was me exercising my right as an adult having adult consensual sex in the privacy of my home. And getting busted by my 16 year old son. Ouch.
Serious damage control needed at this point.
What does one say to their 16 year old when busted having sex? I'm pretty sure I'd know what to say if it was me who caught him in the act. I wouldn't be embarrassed at all. But it was the other way around. ARGH...
After flushing out all the redness in my face, I compose myself. I simply own it. I tell him, "I'm an adult. And I have sex." And, yes. Out of wedlock. It's my private life. I do my best to not flaunt it in front of my children. When they are with me, I'm mom. But when they are with their Dad, it's okay that I have an adult life.
I won't be made to feel shame when I'm engaging with other adults. I felt enough shame as a child.
After one hell of any embarrassing conversation, my son told me not to worry about it. But he did add, "I better never see that Mercedes in the driveway again." So, I kicked his ass to the curb. Easier that way. Bye bye Mr. Mercedes.
What I don't fully get is outright lying to your children. Especially, when they are old enough to fully grasp the situation.
My kids know I'm human. They know I drink. They know I date. They know I fuck up. A lot. They know me. And I'm ok with that.
A friend of mine didn't want her daughter to know that she drank alcohol. So she hid it from her child. My little one had his first swig of vodka at 3 years old because she didn't want to get busted drinking. We poured her vodka in a water bottle and removed the label so we would know which was hers. As Robert goes to grab the unmarked water bottle, I dive across the boat to stop him. Too late. His first shot of vodka. The look on his face was priceless. Of course, I laughed. I find humor in everything. The look on my friend's face was horror. She couldn't apologize enough. Ummm. Maybe now is a good time to tell her you're an adult and have an occasional drink. It's okay. You're over 21. By 20 years.
Just be open and honest with your kids. Because getting busted by them is embarrassing and not fun. They don't need all the details.
But I'd rather they knew who I was. Upfront. Less back peddling that way.
In the picture at the beginning of this blog, you'll see where Robert's growth was slightly stunted by that vodka shot...